Sharon L. Demarte, M.A. Personal, Professional and Business Coach
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One of a Kind News

Table of Contents

  1. Welcome Notes
  2. Article -- A Missed Opportunity?
  3. Words of Wisdom
  4. Resources

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1. Welcome Notes

Two new subscribers have joined us this week. Welcome! If you would like to review past issues of One of a Kind News, click on Archives List.

Sometimes missing an opportunity leads us to an even greater opportunity. So, maybe rather than kicking ourselves for having missed an opportunity, it would be worth our while to look further. In this issue, I share how that was true for me.

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2. A Missed Opportunity?

I have little patience with people who grumble and complain about a situation and do nothing to resolve it. The way I see it is that there are four categories of people in this world, 1) those who make a mess, 2) those who are oblivious to the mess, 3) those who grumble and complain about the mess and 4) those who clean up the mess. I want to be in the fourth category; I want to be one who cleans up the mess.

This weekend I was humbled to catch myself in the third category, that of complaining about a situation and doing nothing about it. Here's what happened:

My 10-year-old grandson, Robert, and I were on my deck. I was pruning my container garden and Robert was conducting research. He was dropping various spent flowers and leaves off my fourth floor deck, one by one, to see how each would fall. He was clearly delighted by this process. After dropping all of his leaves and flowers, he would race downstairs, pick them all up and bring them back upstairs to do it again.

With each new species he dropped, he would exclaim, "Hey Grandma, watch this one!" I would look up from my pruning and say something boring like "Oh, that's nice, Robert," or "Isn't that interesting?" with very little genuine interest. Then I would go back to my pruning -- the important stuff.

At one point, he said, "Hey Grandma, look! Somebody threw a bag down there." I looked, and sure enough, someone had thrown, not only a bag, but also several items of garbage along the side of the road. In my most self-righteous tone, I said, "I hate it when people do things like that!" -- clearly a category three response. I went back to my pruning, the garbage forgotten.

Later that day, after Robert had gone home, I was sitting on my deck relaxing, when I noticed an older gentleman walking down the street. There was something about him that held my attention. Though he had the appearance of an older man, he walked with the assurance and gait of a much younger man. As he walked, he gracefully knelt down, picked up the bag that Robert had pointed out to me, and proceeded to fill up the bag with the garbage that some category one person had dumped. I waited for him to shake his head in disgust or show some other sign of irritation, but he didn't. He just cleaned up the mess and casually continued on his way.

I wished Robert could have witnessed this. I wished I had done what that wonderful man had done -- cleaned up the mess. I had had an opportunity to teach Robert category four behaviors and I had been too unaware to take advantage of it -- I missed the opportunity! Or did I?

Perhaps I learned something even more important from this experience that I can share with Robert. I learned that sometimes I'm a category three person and it's likely that at times in my life I have even been a category one and two person. I want to be a category four person and only hope that I am most of the time.

By confessing my error to Robert, I can show him that we are all fallible humans, even grandmas. And that it's not what we've done, but what we learn from what we've done and what we do next, that's really important. I can tell Robert that mistakes are good because that's how we learn. The key is to not make the same mistake more than once.

We can explore the things that might cause a person to display the different categories -- thus teaching compassion rather than judging. For example, perhaps the person who threw the garbage (category one) was hurt and angered over something that had happened earlier in the day. Maybe the person, who displays category two behaviors, being oblivious to the mess, has a lot on his mind ñ maybe he just lost his job and is worried about getting another one. Perhaps the person who displayed category three behaviors, grumbling and complaining, was just too wrapped up in what she was doing. It was easier to complain than to do something about it.

Perhaps missing the first opportunity was the opportunity; the opportunity to teach even more important things like humility, compassion, and non-judgment. Hmmmmm.

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3.
Words of Wisdom

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure."
--William Saroyan

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."
--Victoria Holt

"Be alert, be self-aware, so that when opportunity presents itself, you can actually rise to it."
--David Bohm

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that is your own self."
--Aldous Huxley

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4. Resources

Usually I recommend books. This week I want to recommend the Universe. The Universe continually brings us lessons. It is our job to become aware of them. This week, try paying attention to your life. Pay attention to who and what shows up in your life. Pay attention to the simple, even mundane things. Set your intention for learning and see what happens.

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Until we meet again, remember to:

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.
--Author Unknown

Blessings to you and yours,

Sharon

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Copyright © 2000, 2001,2002 all rights reserved.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1536-5891
Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute One of a Kind News so long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author is attached. The author of this newsletter is: Sharon L. Demarte, M.A.

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