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One of a Kind News

Table of Contents

1. Welcome Notes
2. Article -- Almost Too Late?
3. Words of Wisdom

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I love hearing from readers. If you would like to write to me, send an email to Sharon@sharondemarte.com. Do not reply to this message, as it won't get to me.

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1. Welcome Notes

Welcome to several new subscribers. I am so glad you are here and hope that, in some way One of a Kind News enhances your life. If you would like to review past issues of One of a Kind News, click on http://sharondemarte.com/newsletter.html and go to the Archives.

The day after I last published One of a Kind News, March 10th, I began to feel ill. As war was looming in the outer world, another kind of war was looming inside me. Each day I got sicker and sicker and yet I didn't go the emergency room until Friday, the 14th. The doctor said I must have a very high tolerance for pain to have waited so long. That may be true, but it's not the only truth.

My appendix had ruptured on what day I do not know. All I know is that I almost waited too long to get help. And, that scares me. I am now in the recovery process, mind, body and spirit. To make sure I never do something so foolish again, I am taking this opportunity to learn the lessons I need to learn. As I think some of these lessons are universal, perhaps you can learn along with me.

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2. Almost too late?

My surgeon told me that I was lucky that I hadn't waited much longer to get to the ER. My white blood count was 30,000 (normal is 10,000), I was severely dehydrated, and my appendix had burst, destroying not only itself, but damaging some of the surrounding areas. It was as though a bomb had gone off inside me. My appendix had gangrene. I have since learned that gangrene will kill you in a matter of hours. I scared myself by waiting so long. As the days go by, I realize more and more that had I not gone to the hospital when I did, I would no longer be here.

What caused me to wait so long to seek help?
I have just begun to process this question. One of the toughest things for us to do is to examine our own truth and yet it is the most important thing we must to do in order to grow. I have found that asking God for help in discerning my truth works for me. I prayed, "What is my truth, God, about why I waited so long to go to the hospital?" Then I sat with pen and paper in hand and waited for the answers to come. They are coming and some of them are not pretty. They're not pretty because these are things that have come up before in my life, to a lesser degree, and I obviously have not learned the lessons I needed to learn.

I believe that until we learn something, it keeps coming around, with the lesson getting tougher each time, until we "get it". And, sometimes we don't ever "get it" in this lifetime. I intend to learn my lessons this time around so that I don't ever have to have them re-visit me.

Here are my truths that have surfaced so far:

1. I was distracted and not in touch with myself. I was focused on things other than myself. I forgot to have at least part of my attention on my inner self.

2. Inner conflict. Knowing at some level that I needed help and fear of making a big deal out of nothing - childhood programming that obviously still needs healing.

3. Denial - it's probably just the flu and it will go away. Wishful, magical thinking. Not facing reality.

4. More inner conflict. Not wanting to ask for help and at the same time wanting someone to take over and make the decisions for me.

5. Tendency toward isolation - The Lone Ranger Syndrome. I have always had a tendency to withdraw from others when something is bothering me. It's a mistake that I've made over and over again.

6. Lack of Reserves.It's only been in the past couple of years that I have begun to learn the importance of having reserves. I lived my life in the "just enough" mode. That's when you have just enough time, space, money, energy, relationships, etc. to get by. The problem with this way of living is that when crises hit, your "enoughness" becomes depleted and you go into the mode of "lack" or "scarcity". In that mode you are driven by fear. Because I have not yet built up enough reserves, I went into fear. We all need much, much more than we think we do.

Grateful that I'm still here.

So those are the learnings I have gleaned from this experience thus far. I know there will be more to come. Along with these learnings, I am even more grateful now than I was before to be alive. I am grateful for all of you, for my family and friends, for my wonderful animal companions, for the beauty of nature and the beauty of humankind.

Getting stronger every day.

As I write this, I have been out of the hospital for four days. I am doing amazingly well. I have little to no pain and don't even take aspirin. You would be amazed, as I am, by this if you saw the angry looking wound from my surgery. Surgery was much more intensive than it needed to be given my choice to wait so long. Instead of one hour, it took three hours and involved more than just my appendix.

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3. Words of Wisdom"

No quotes from others this week. The following are pieces of wisdom I have gleaned and pass on to you:

No matter what's going on in the outer world, always keep a part of your attention on your inner self.

Make a big deal out of anything that threatens your health and well-being. Those are the most important things you have.

Pay attention to areas in your life that you might be in denial about and look them straight in the face. Fear faced is fear that goes away.

Before a crisis strikes, take a look at all of the areas in your life. In what areas do you need to build up reserves of time, money, energy, etc.? Start building those reserves. Remember, reserves are more than "just enough". They are what we need in order to feel safe and secure even when crisis threaten to topple us.

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Until we meet again, remember to:

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.
--Lyvonn Berry

Blessings to you and yours,

Sharon

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Copyright © 2000-2003 all rights reserved.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1536-5891
Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute One of a Kind News so long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author is attached. The author of this newsletter is: Sharon L. Demarte, M.A.