One of a Kind News

"What You Focus On Expands - Three Shining Examples"
May 1, 2001
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Table of Contents

1. Welcome Notes
2. Article – What You Focus On Expands
3. Words of Wisdom
4. Resources

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1. Welcome Notes

Dear Friends,

Happy May Day! Though there are many speculations as to the
origins of May Day, the actual origins are unknown. The
proposed origin that I like and am adopting for myself is that it is
a community expression of hope and joy.

Recently I have been blessed to spend time around three people
who, to me, are an expression of hope and joy. To celebrate this
May Day, I want to share a little about these three people with
the hope that they inspire you as much as they do me.

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2. What You Focus On Expands – Three Shining Examples

Life brings each of us challenges, some tougher than others. We
have a choice as to how we respond. We can choose to become
bitter and fall into a victim mentality or we can accept them, pull
ourselves up by the bootstraps, and go on to create meaningful
lives. I am blessed to know three people who have experienced
extreme challenges and have risen to meet them with courage,
boldness and tenacity. I think these people deserve to be
acknowledged. It is with their humble permission that I share
their stories.

Carissa is a 36-year-old single mother of two. She has a
beautiful daughter, Jenifer, age 15-1/2 and an awesome son,
Max, age 12. Theirs is an active, energetic home. It's the kind
of home that feels welcoming and tends to be the gathering place
for friends and family. Jenifer and Max are thriving. They excel
in school, are involved in a multitude of extracurricular activities
and lack for nothing material. This is because Carissa is
dedicated to making their lives the best they can possibly be –
giving them the strongest education and foundation to ensure
their best possible future.

As any single parent knows, it's a tough job. Add to this a
physical disability and it becomes a formidable job. Over the
past 18 months, Carissa has become disabled to the point of
being relegated to her bed 90% of the time. Has she let this stop
her from being the kind of parent and homemaker she chooses to
be? No! Her bed has become her command post. From this
place she runs her busy, bustling household, parents her children
and keeps a fairly active social life. Equipped with her telephone
and laptop computer, she researches any and all avenues that
might lead her to restoring some of her mobility and alleviate her
chronic pain. She even finds time to reach out and encourage
others who are in similar circumstances.

Carissa is always sincerely interested in how others are doing.
When asked how she is, the usual response is a cheerful "I'm
fine". She rarely complains about her physical situation except
for those times when the pain is out of control. She doesn't feel
sorry for herself, she just misses being able to do such things as
go shopping or walk along the beach at Alki, across the street
from her house. Yesterday, she called to share exciting news –
she is getting a wheel chair! This will allow her to do those
things she misses so much.

Carissa, my oldest daughter, is an inspiration to me and I am so
honored to be her mother!

Bev is one of the most joyful people I've ever known. When I
think of Bev, I think of a metaphor that I heard recently. It goes
like this: 'When you are joyful, you are a light and you are going
to attract moths and butterflies. The butterflies are going to love
the light and they're going to share it with you and you're going
to have so much fun. The moths on the other hand are going to
want to put out the light. Be a light anyway.' Bev is a person
who continues to be a light even though there have been many
moths (challenges) come into her life. In the past two years, Bev
has suffered more losses than any one person might experience
in a lifetime. Among them are the loss of her beloved husband,
mother, best friend, brother and two long time pet companions.

She feels the effects of loss and grief. And, she still loves life.
She jumps out of bed each day, excited about that day's
possibilities. She treasures each day, each moment, as she knows
that life is a gift and it can end all too soon. She is determined to
enjoy each and every moment of her life. And she does.

Bev is one of those energy enhancing people that you just love to
be around. With a ready smile and twinkling eyes, you just gotta
love her. She's quick to reach out to others to lend a helping
hand, a word of encouragement, a warm hug, and an
understanding ear.

At 70 years old, she doesn't look a day over 55 and at her own
admission, often acts much younger. If you were to drive
through her neighborhood on any given day, you might see her
outside playing with the neighborhood children.

Bev is a light in this world and a true inspiration!

Judi is a coach and one of my Coach University teleclass leaders.
When I first heard Judi speak, I noticed that her voice sounded
kind of different and her speech was slow. I soon forgot all about
that as her humor, wisdom and caring permeated the phone line
and delighted all 22 students. I laughed most of the way through
that first class session. Her humor was remarkable. Who says
you can't have fun while you're learning?

I found Judy to be a genius with one-liners that cut right to the
core of an issue and really made me think. Some examples:

"Use the past as a guidepost, not a hitching post."

"It's not my baggage and I'm not a baggage handler."

"Guilt is only good for two things: It allows me to do it again
and it makes my mother happy"

About the 2nd or 3rd session of our 12-week class, Judi shared
with us that she has Multiple Sclerosis and that sometimes it
affects her voice. Also, she's not able to dial the phone, so she
has software that will do that for her.

About the 3rd week, Judi started experiencing some real difficulty
with her voice. I don't know a lot about MS, but I do know that
it's common to have symptoms followed by periods of recovery.
She seemed to be headed into a bit of a tough time. Because she
wanted what was best for the class, she asked another teleclass
leader to take over for her. When she announced this decision, I
could feel my heart sink. I was so much enjoying learning from
her and didn't want to lose that. The other leader agreed to do
this with the stipulation that Judi co-lead the class, as she didn't
want us to miss out on the gift of Judi. Judi agreed and we were
blessed with two wonderful leaders.

Judi is my teacher and another great inspiration.

How do these three inspiring people live such full and
meaningful lives even under difficult circumstances? I believe
it's how they focus they're thoughts. I believe they focus on:

1. Strengths instead of weaknesses (their own and others')
2. What's going well instead of what's going wrong
3. What they have instead of what they don't have
4. What they appreciate about themselves and others
5. The good instead of the bad in situations
6. Loving everything they do and only doing what they love
7. On the present instead of the past or future
8. What they can give instead of what they can get
9. Coming from a place of love instead of fear
10. What they want instead of don't want.

It is true that what we focus on expands and I think these three
people are living proof that we can bring our gifts into the world,
no matter what the circumstances. Thank you Carissa, Bev and
Judi for being examples to the rest of us of what is possible.

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3. Words of Wisdom

"We always have enough to be happy if we are enjoying what we
do have-and not worrying about what we don't have"
--Ken Keyes

"How does one become a butterfly? She asked. "You must want
to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar"
--From Hope for the Flowers

"Everyone looks at the world through their own lens. For some,
the world is a garden, for others a desert"
--Dr. Philip Humbert, Phd

"Commitment is your ability to set aside that which you don't
want and focus on that which you do want until what you want is
what you have"
--Author Unknown

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4. Resources

The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson

This is a delightful parable. In Johnson's words "The Present Is
Simply Who I Am Just The Way I Am... Right Now. And It Is
Precious."

Lighten Up, "Dedicated to Those People Seriously Interested in
Lightening Up"

This is Judy's free newsletter and I highly recommend it. To
subscribe, go to: www.coachinghearttoheart.com

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Until we meet again, remember to:

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.
--Author Unknown

Blessings to you and yours,

Sharon

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Sharon Demarte is a Quality of Life Coach. She coaches
individuals by telephone and internet, helping her clients close
the gap between where they are and where they want to be. Her
clients come from all walks of life. She works best with people
who have a strong desire, a willingness to take action, and are
motivated to increase the quality of their lives – sometimes even
in difficult situations.

One of her specialties is working with Caregivers. She works
with caregivers to help them avoid caregiver burnout and
maintain their own health, well-being and quality of life while
caring for another. She also loves to work with people who are
Too Young To Retire – they are the age of customary retirement,
but choose to go on to yet another career.

If you are a person who wants more out of life and would like to
explore the possibilities of partnering with Sharon as your coach,
please contact her in whatever way is comfortable for you. By
email: demartes@nventure.com; by fax (confidential): 253-568-
0453; by telephone: 206-938-1867.

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Copyright © 2000, 2001 all rights reserved. Permission is
granted to reproduce, copy or distribute One of a Kind News so
long as this copyright notice and full information about
contacting the author is attached. The author of this newsletter
is: Sharon L. Demarte, M.A.

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