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"Stress Elimination vs Stress Management" June 1, 2001
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Table of Contents

1. Welcome Notes
2. Article – Stress Elimination vs. Stress Management
3. Words of Wisdom
4. Resources

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1. Welcome Notes

Dear Friends,

In this issue, I'm writing about a big paradigm shift in my
thinking. I love it when I learn something that gives me an
entirely new way of looking at things. It's at those times that I
feel most alive. Maybe that's why learning is one of my most
precious values.

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2. Stress Elimination vs. Stress Management

What if it was possible to eliminate 99% of the stress in your life
– would you be interested in learning how?

That's what I've been up to for the past three months – learning
how to eliminate stress in all areas of my life. I've been taking a
class through Coach U called the Personal Foundation (PF)
Program. Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach U and the
person who started the personal coaching profession, developed
the PF Program. Leonard is definitely an 'out of the box'
thinker. His writings are what quickened my interest in
becoming a coach myself.

Stress management has been a major focus in my life for years.
Until now, I have led a high stress life. The thing about living a
chronically high stressed life is that we aren't built to live that
way. Sooner or later our mind, body and spirit will say
"enough!" and stop us in our tracks. My "enough" was burnout.
For me burnout showed up as extreme exhaustion on all levels –
physical, mental and spiritual. I was so exhausted that mixing
tuna salad taxed me to the point of having to sit down and rest. I
was unable to think clearly and would have to write down the
simplest things in order to remember them. It was a painful time
for me. I was lucky though, because many people experience
their "enough" with physical (sometimes critical) illness. I was
given another chance to live differently. I am committed to
creating a StressLess life for myself and to helping others do the
same.

We've been conditioned to think that stress is just part of life and
that we'd better just learn how to manage it. We are a society
who is on fire with stress and it's getting worse all the time.
More and more stress-related illnesses are surfacing. And, how
do we deal with all of this stress? We look for quick fixes. We
look for ways to eliminate the symptoms. We rarely take the
time to look for the cause. What I learned from my own
experience is that 'fast food solutions' like stress reduction
techniques, stress management routines and stress adaptation
nutritional supplements are aimed at the symptoms. While they
do help to a large degree (I may have experienced burnout sooner
without them), they are not the solution to the problem. They
merely enable us to continue in our highly stressed lifestyles.
The only thing that WILL solve the problem is getting to the
source of it – a weak personal foundation.

As a single mom raising three daughters, I often struggled to
make ends meet and hold things together. One particularly
difficult struggle I remember was dealing with a leaking roof. I
patched here and there many times, each time hoping to solve the
problem (treating the symptom). But, each time it rained, the
roof leaked, slowly damaging the inside walls. I finally gave up
and called a roofer. He said the least expensive way to fix it
would be to put new tiles over the old (a quick fix), but that
could only be done if the plywood (the foundation) was good.
So, as I waited for him to arrive, I hoped for the quick fix.

The plywood was rotten. Putting new tiles over old wouldn't
solve the problem. To really fix the problem (to get to the cause
of it) we had to take the entire roof off including its foundation
(the plywood) and start by building a new foundation.

How many times in life do we look for a quick fix when it's
really our foundation that needs strengthening?

In the following tip, Thomas Leonard explains more about
Personal Foundation:

"Coaching Tip: Thomas' Tip on Your Personal Foundation

Strengthen your personal foundation until it's rock solid.

IS YOUR Personal Foundation as strong as the building
foundation of your home is? Probably not. The term Personal
Foundation is used to describe the underpinnings of a person's
life and is comprised of the following:

1. Extensive Boundaries
2. High Standards
3. Healthy Relationships
4. Resolution of any past-oriented Issues
5. Having one's Personal Needs entirely satisfied
6. Taking full responsibility for what happens to you
7. Orienting around your values and principles

Most of us have a degree of the above life components, but a
rock-solid Personal Foundation ups the ante. You'll likely double
or triple the quantity and quality of the above items. To do this,
you'll need to become selfish, not selfless. Clients report that
they conclude a rite of passage as they install and strengthen the
building blocks of their Personal Foundation. It's a bit like going
to the gym to build strength and tone your body. There is some
sweat, but when done properly, one feels better when leaving the
gym than when they entered it, so there is a net gain. And, the
nice thing about developing a strong Personal Foundation is that
what you're left with is sustainable and requires only periodical
checks.

Why is a strong Personal Foundation worthwhile to develop?
Several reasons.

1. You need a strong foundation if you wish to accomplish a lot
in life, just as a skyscraper needs a deeper foundation than a
home. The higher one goes, the more they need the stability that
a foundation affords. If you are building a great life, you want it
to be strong enough to handle the surprises and problems that
you encounter. With a strong Personal Foundation, you can
weather almost any personal or business storm.

2. In the process of developing your Foundation, you'll begin to
attract others -- both in your personal and business life -- who
have done the same thing. It's like an exclusive club, which
welcomes anyone who's willing to earn the membership. Once
your Foundation is strong, you can tell instantly when someone
else's is also. Those with strong Foundations find that synergy
and synchronicity are the norm, not the exception.

3. One's quality of life is noticeably higher with a strong Personal
Foundation. You'll find that you'll be more in tune with yourself,
your environment and your gifts. You really will be able to be
yourself and create a lifestyle that is rewarding, fulfilling and
inspiring. Without a strong Personal Foundation, you'll have to
strive and seek to acquire success. With a strong Personal
Foundation, you'll redefine what success is for you, and be able
to attract it, not chase it.

How does one strengthen their Personal Foundation? By working
on the components listed earlier. For many, beginning the
Personal Foundation process is the turning point in their lives, or
the springboard to the next level. It's one of the few personal
development programs available that is exciting to work on, is
self-motivating (no tapes needed!) and is entirely customizable to
fit specific needs and styles."

About the Submitter:
Submitted by Thomas Leonard, who can be reached at
thomas@thomasleonard.com, or visited on the web at
http://www.thomasleonard.com

Take a look at the stressors in your life. I've listed some that are
pretty universal to get you started:

1. Finances – not enough
2. Clutter – internal and external – too much stuff
3. Other people's wants and needs drowning out your own
4. A long 'to do' list that never seems to get done
5. Striving to be better, be more, be good enough
6. Striving for a better future
7. Unfinished business from the past
8. Tolerations – anything you're putting up with
9. Illness – yours or others
10. Family and/or social problems

Now, look at the list of what makes up a strong Personal
Foundation and see where your leaks might be. When taking a
good look at my own life, I found many leaks in my foundation –
I'm in the process of plugging those leaks. With each leak that I
plug, I am feeling a renewed sense of personal strength, freedom
and well being in my life. It's a process that takes time and
effort and it is well worth doing!

Shameless Marketing Tip: A coach can help you build a Strong
Personal Foundation.

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3. Words of Wisdom

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone
can start from now and make a brand new ending."
--Carl Bard

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4. Resources

Public Personal Foundation Course
This is an 8-week teleclass developed for the public. You can find out
more about it by going to: http://www.coachu.com/pfound/
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Until we meet again, remember to:

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows.
Count your years with smiles, not tears.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your age by friends, not years.
--Author Unknown

Blessings to you and yours,

Sharon

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Sharon Demarte is a Personal, Professional & Business Coach.
She coaches individuals by telephone and Internet, helping her
clients close the gap between where they are and where they
want to be. Her clients come from all walks of life. She works
best with people who have a strong desire, a willingness to take
action, and are motivated to increase the quality of their lives –
sometimes even in difficult situations.

One of her specialties is working with Caregivers. She works
with caregivers to help them avoid caregiver burnout and
maintain their own health, well-being and quality of life while
caring for another. She also loves to work with people who are
Too Young To Retire – they are the age of customary retirement,
but choose to go on to yet another career.

If you are a person who wants more out of life and would like to
explore the possibilities of partnering with Sharon as your coach,
please contact her in whatever way is comfortable for you. By
email: demartes@nventure.com; by fax (confidential): 253-568-
0453; by telephone: 206-938-1867.

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Copyright © 2000, 2001 all rights reserved. Permission is
granted to reproduce, copy or distribute One of a Kind News so
long as this copyright notice and full information about
contacting the author is attached. The author of this newsletter
is: Sharon L. Demarte, M.A.